Remember Memorial Day When families came to place flowers on graves and veterans marched in carrying the flag, the High School band marched, and two trumpeters hid to play taps.  The cemetery was crowded with people, and everyone took time to visit friends.  As a child, I remember visiting all the infant's graves.  Then people finally disbursed for family dinners.  

When we came back to the farm, we replicated that tradition, with family members from both of our families.  The farmhouse had been empty for many years, but that day seemed like old times.  We tried to continue that tradition later, but it never was the same.  This year, at last, we had guests at the farm on Memorial Day.  Although there were only 4 of us, it seemed a lot like the old times, reminiscing about those who are no longer with us, catching up on children and grandchildren, and sharing news of what we had been doing since last together.   

It made me wonder about how other families gathered on Memorial Day.  I assumed that gradually most families had separated, moving far apart.  I was surprised that approximately 68% of city families remained in or near the city where they were raised.  In general, 6 in 10 young adults live within 10 miles of their childhood home, and 8 in 10 live within 100 miles, representing a strong tendency to stay relatively close.   Do young people live at home longer?  Do adults move back into their childhood homes to take care of aging parents?  Are purchasing homes or living in apartments too expensive to afford?  Do different ethnicities commonly share family homes?  I do not know.

However, back to the question of the continuation of visiting family graves on Memorial Day, it varies.  Where once visiting graves on memorial was expected, with few exceptions, today it is a personal choice.  People in the South and those in rural areas are more like to continue the tradition of visiting family graves.  In my rural community it seems that fewer visit memorial services; however, I remind myself that farms are large operations, with single farm families and hired workers covering far larger farms than in the days of many farmers able to make a living on less farmland.  Populations have changed.  Another change is that some people visit graves with flowers early and enjoy the long weekend to take a holiday opportunity at the lake or to the mountains or other holiday opportunities.  

Traditions vary.  On a New England group trip, I learned a new tradition.  People who visit a grave place a penny on the gravestone to leave a message they had visited and honored the deceased.  We were with a Willa Cather group, with people from many places, and when we noticed others in the group leaving pennies, we inquired why they were doing that.  Once everyone understood the tradition, we all began searching for pennies in our purses and pockets.  What will people leave now that no more pennies are being minted?  

Respect for our Presidents and the Arts

 When I was a senior in High School, I saw an ad in a magazine for learning how to draw.  I sent the request for information.  To my surprise, a salesman showed up at our rural Kansas front door to encourage me to sign up for their learn by mail course.  My father was quite displeased with me for sending off that request.  I share that story to explain how important art has always been to me, as it is to many people.  That is why I consider respect for The Kennedy Center is so important.  It is not just a building to accommodate the taste of everyone.  It is the memorial to our fallen president who gave his life in office, a president who loved art and had an educated taste for it.  

Previous blogs have expressed my concern about President Trump appointing himself, naming the members of the board, and removing most of the trained staff.  Putting his name over President Kennedy's name on the front of the building is offensive.  None of this is news.  What is news is that art has been removed from the building, reportedly some going into storage of some sort, but also some sold, returned to donors, and unknown unknown decisions made.  If that report is accurate, it is deeply concerning.

John F. Kennedy

   

 "The life of the arts, far from being an interruption, a distraction, in the life of a nation, is very close to the center of a nation's purpose."  John F. Kennedy.  Those words were spoken by John F. Kennedy himself.  The Kennedy Center is more than just an art museum.  It represents the man who spoke those words.    

       

 In death, John F. Kennedy left behind a gift to generations who could visit art and music and dance and theater.  Tampering with the content of the museum is a direct attack on John F. Kennedy's memory.  For those reasons, the current news that much of the art, particularly art given from other countries, is being removed to offsite storage, is particularly disturbing.  If accurate, it is a disgrace to our traditional memorials to past presidents. 

John F. Kennedy has been described as a blend of youthful, relaxed refinement with a high-culture sophistication.  His taste emphasized understated elegance, modernism in architecture.  These tastes were shown during his time in the White House, bridging traditional polish with forward--thinking, American imagery, or so called, informal elegance.  His sophistication included inviting poets, classical musicians, and artists to the White House, as well as appreciating popular music.  It is not about whether all of us agree with his taste in less traditional art.  Memorials often reflect the changing taste in American culture over the years.  

 President Trump has also shared his taste while in office, including his interest in architecture, his apparent love for applying gold to things, his appreciation for mixed martial arts and boxing, and receiving an honorary 9t -degree black belt in Taekwondo from World Headquarters.  Memorials to him might include those things.  However, the Kennedy Center is intended to honor Kennedy.  

Perhaps some would say there are more important things happening in the world today than a living president making over the memorial of a president killed while in office.  I disagree.  We must respect the memorials intended to honor the men for whom the Memorials were created. 

When President Trump completes his time in office, he would expect his memorial to represent his achievements and tastes.  Surely, he would be angry if his memorial was disrespected.               

            

Are Norms Important?

 I have blogged about norms before, common examples of customs, courtesies, etiquette, and traditions, all of which play an important role in our culture.  However, the norms I am exploring in this blog are different.  They involve the traditional norms in our government.  

Whether we approve or disapprove the changing attitudes of norms in our government, they are happening.  Some are so common that over the years we have come to think of them as laws.  However, just because we regard then as laws does not make them laws.  

Am obvious example is Presidents declining to make money off of being President.   Surprisingly, presidents have respected that norm so often that many of us assumed that it was a law.  It isn't.  

 

Presidents have sometimes been embarrassed by relatives using their family connection for financial gain.  I remember the embarrassment of President Carter when his brother created a soda pop using the Carter name on the lable. People also questioned whether President Biden's son got an important job because of his father's position.  There are other examples of family members benefitting through the position of the President, although the President himself did not benefit.    

 Most presidents have resisted using their name and position while in office simply from a sense of ethics, respect, and dignity for the office they hold, although they are not prohibited by a law.  

Remember, norms are not laws.  The fact that most presidents have declined using their political office for personal gain does not require other presidents to do the same.  In other cases, some presidents have avoided taking personal advantage of financial gain, but they have given family and friends offices of advantage.  

The impact of norms depends on whether American voters disapprove of presidents using their office for their own economic benefit, or they just overlook that greed if they are satisfied with how the president handles the presidency itself.

It is apparent that most presidents benefit in numerous ways after they leave office, selling books about their time in office, giving speeches, and sitting on corporate boards as examples.  We expect that.  

However, if Americans think their presidents and those in other offices have gone too far in using their positions for personal gain, it is up to us to voice our disapproval.  If we think that matters, we should ask candidates running for office about their intentions.  We cannot draft laws about every ethical issue, but we can make our respect for traditional norms known.  It is up to us to let candidates know what we expect from their service to the nation. 

I have used the quote by Ulysses S. Grant some time ago, but I had forgotten that he had included Ambition between superstition and Ignorance.