Remember Memorial Day When families came to place flowers on graves and veterans marched in carrying the flag, the High School band marched, and two trumpeters hid to play taps.  The cemetery was crowded with people, and everyone took time to visit friends.  As a child, I remember visiting all the infant's graves.  Then people finally disbursed for family dinners.  

When we came back to the farm, we replicated that tradition, with family members from both of our families.  The farmhouse had been empty for many years, but that day seemed like old times.  We tried to continue that tradition later, but it never was the same.  This year, at last, we had guests at the farm on Memorial Day.  Although there were only 4 of us, it seemed a lot like the old times, reminiscing about those who are no longer with us, catching up on children and grandchildren, and sharing news of what we had been doing since last together.   

It made me wonder about how other families gathered on Memorial Day.  I assumed that gradually most families had separated, moving far apart.  I was surprised that approximately 68% of city families remained in or near the city where they were raised.  In general, 6 in 10 young adults live within 10 miles of their childhood home, and 8 in 10 live within 100 miles, representing a strong tendency to stay relatively close.   Do young people live at home longer?  Do adults move back into their childhood homes to take care of aging parents?  Are purchasing homes or living in apartments too expensive to afford?  Do different ethnicities commonly share family homes?  I do not know.

However, back to the question of the continuation of visiting family graves on Memorial Day, it varies.  Where once visiting graves on memorial was expected, with few exceptions, today it is a personal choice.  People in the South and those in rural areas are more like to continue the tradition of visiting family graves.  In my rural community it seems that fewer visit memorial services; however, I remind myself that farms are large operations, with single farm families and hired workers covering far larger farms than in the days of many farmers able to make a living on less farmland.  Populations have changed.  Another change is that some people visit graves with flowers early and enjoy the long weekend to take a holiday opportunity at the lake or to the mountains or other holiday opportunities.  

Traditions vary.  On a New England group trip, I learned a new tradition.  People who visit a grave place a penny on the gravestone to leave a message they had visited and honored the deceased.  We were with a Willa Cather group, with people from many places, and when we noticed others in the group leaving pennies, we inquired why they were doing that.  Once everyone understood the tradition, we all began searching for pennies in our purses and pockets.  What will people leave now that no more pennies are being minted?