I hope that readers can find a few giggles in this imaginary letter to the woman who once knew all the answers to proper etiquette, as some of us try to stumble our way through changing times...
Dear Emily Post,
Where are you when you are needed?! Does a successor to you even exist?
I know you may have heard me complain about how some group of education experts decided to eliminate the teaching of cursive writing, believing it was no longer needed with the shift to computers. Yes, I love the many positive ways I use my computer--although it is getting troubling when it impolitely begins changing things I was just beginning to understand. And, if it is so smart, why can't it recognize those intruders that try to sign us up for things we don't want or need.
But, back to my reason for writing, why didn't you explain to those education experts that we might miss the pleasure of receiving a handwritten thank you note. An email is just not the same thing. Yes, it is true that I appreciate the convenience of ordering gifts online without having to get dressed before noon--a bad habit I acquired during covid when all of us were stuck at home, but that is beside the point. The point is that a personal thank you note would be nicer, and nicer still would be the ability to read the note. Truely, I do appreciate getting an actual thank you note, but the penmanship is difficult to read, and that is sad since I know that the writers did their best.
If those experts thought that teaching cursive was no longer necessary, why did they ignore spending just a little more time showing students how to make printing legible. And, was there some purpose for encouraging them to crowd their writing across the top of the page, as if they meant to write more and were interrupted.
I don't mean to sound whiney, but whose idea was it to advise brides and grooms that they had 6 months to finish their thank you notes. Yes, I know that notes were once the responsibility of the bride, but now, with both the wife and the husband working, don't they share the task of writing the thank you notes? That would seem fair, and with both of them writing, shouldn't they finish sooner? If 6 months is now the acceptable time couples have to send thank you notes, I'm afraid I will no longer remember what I gave them.
It is nice that now the bride and groom often have websites that tell me what they would like to have and how to order it. I especially like those websites that notify me when my gift is received, so that I don't worry that the gift was lost in the mail. But, is that notification the modern version of a thank you note?
And Ms. Post, since I am writing, could you please remind the older generation that it is very difficult to know how to prepare the refreshments for a party when invited guests fail to return the stamped reservation cards enclosed with the invitation. Phone numbers and e-mail addresses are also ignored, and I don't understand what those funny little squares with the squigly dots are for. It is very embarrassing to run out of food, and humiliating to have a table full of food and only a handful of guests that choose to come.
And while I am writing you, I must share my concern about what is appropriate attire. Once we knew exactly what to wear when we received an invitation to an event, but please my dear Emily, could you revise your advice about proper attire for occasions. The old rules don't seem to matter. It is very awkward for those of us 'of a certain age' like you and me, to navigate the social world today. The more I think about it, perhaps you are as confused as I am. Perhaps all the answers you had for us died with you in 1960, although it was thoughtful of you to leave behind The Emily Post Institute to carry on your work.
Sincerely, A Confused Fan (of a certain age!)
Emily Post was born in 1872 and died in 1960. She was the daughter of a wealthy architect, and her mother was the daughter of a wealthy coal baron. Her biographer described her as "tall, pretty, and spoiled." She married a prominent banker and had 2 sons. They divorced after 13 years because of her husband's affairs with chorus girls and fledgling actresses. She began writing when her sons were old enough to attend boarding schools, and her work included magazine serials, travel books, books on interior design and novels. Her first etiquette book was written in 1922 to great success, and led to numerous editions, as well as radio programs and newspaper columns on good taste. She was not the first nor the last to write about etiquette, but her influence extended beyond her death and her name remains a synonym for good taste.
