Remembering Memorial Day's Purpose

Memorial Day is just around the corner, but for many Americans its purpose is forgotten.  For them, it is a celebration of Summer's arrival, the purpose of honoring those who served the Nation forgotten.

In her book, A Patriot's Handbook, Caroline Kennedy explained what she felt about the responsibilities of parents on holidays.  "As parents, we are part of a continuum between generations and must decide what important values we want to pass on.  As we gather with family and friends... we have a chance to reflect on the continuity of ideas and principles that have inspired Americans for the past 225 years.  That process must be ongoing, for now it is our turn to reinterpret these values for our children, to strengthen their belief in America, and in the spirit of limitless possibilities that will determine their future."

She continued by describing gatherings at the home of her grandmother, who carried on the tradition, which "almost always included a recitation of Longfellow's poem 'Paul Revere's Ride."  As a result of her memories of those family gatherings, and the impact of her grandmother's tradition, she too believes in the importance of using family gatherings to share American history.  She believes that "children have an immense capacity for faith and for patriotism.  If their introduction to the story of our country is captivating, they can develop a lifelong interest in history and a willingness to engage in civic life."

Her book was published in 2003, now over 2 decades ago.  I do not know whether young children today would sit still to listen to parents and grandparents tell them about how unique and amazing our constitution is, but stories of the greatness of America are certainly needed, now more than ever.  You might even scroll back to my blog about the Battle of Bunker Hill, although reading 'Paul Revere's Ride" might take a bit long to read.  However, you can find the full version performed by Rick Taylor on YouTube.  

My choice to share with you on this occasion is from Benjamin Franklin's vote for our Constitution, although he admits the difficulty for men to get everything exactly right. Franklin said, "I agree to this Constitution, with all its faults--if they be such; because I think a general Government necessary for us, and there is no form of government but what may be a blessing to the people, if well administered; and I believe, farther that this is likely to be well administered for a course of years, and can only end in despotism, as other forms have done before it, when the people shall become so corrupted as to need despotic government, being incapable of any other.  I doubt, too, whether any other Convention we can obtain, may be able to make a better constitution; for, when you assemble a number of men, to have the advantage of their joint wisdom, you inevitably assemble with those men all their prejudices, their passions, their errors of opinions. their local opinions, and their selfish views.  From such an assembly can a perfect production be expected?  It therefore astonished me, Sir, to find this system approaching  so near a perfection that it does; and I think it will astonish our enemies, who are waiting with confidence to hear, that our councils are confounded like those of the builders of Babel, and that our states are on the point of separation, only to meet hereafter for the purpose of cutting one another's throats.  Thus I consent, Sir, to this Constitution, because I expect no better, and because I am not sure that it is not the best."

On this Memorial Day of 2025, may we be reminded that our Constitution has been the wonder of the world, and may we respect and preserve it for generations yet to come.    

 

Remembering Summer Holidays

Remembering the reasons for Memorial Day & the 4th of July

Many of my childhood memories relate to Memorial Day and the 4th of July, but as a child I thought more about family dinners at the farm after we decorated family graves at the cemetery, and fireworks with my parents' friends, the Curtis family on the 4th of July, alternating which family hosted the celebration each year.  I am sure that my husband's time in the Air Force made me more aware of the reasons for those two holidays, but Law School certainly gave me a deeper respect for those that we honor and celebrate on those two summer holidays.  Our Constitution gradually became more and more important to me, motivating the books I have published and deepening my respect for those who wrote the Constitution and those who have preserved it.

I confess, I am one of those nerdy people that watches televised hearings and trials, and I may pay more attention to what is going on in Washington and state houses across the nation than most people do.  Currently, more seems to be happening than usual.  However, I am not only interested in current events, but also in history, from which we can learn a lot.  

Having just researched our revered Supreme Court Justice John Marshall, the 4th Chief Justice on the Supreme Court, I recalled one of his statements:  "What are the maxima of Democracy?  A strict observance of justice and public faith, and a steady adherence to virtue."  One of the things Marshall found so important in deciding cases, especially cases of great importance, was to arrive at a decision with a strong majority of the court in agreement.    A split of the justices' decisions leaves people less likely to accept the court's decision.  

When the American Constitution was drafted, it required the acceptance by the states.  A series of 85 essays by Alexander Hamilton, James Madison, and John Jay were published, initially printed on broadsheets to be distributed to help citizens better understand the constitution the Founding Fathers had written.  Today it can be found in book form, and many historians consider the essays as the third most important political document of our history, just behind the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution.

These documents have guided us for generations and have made us admired by other nations.  That is what I celebrate on the 4th of July.  The parades and fireworks are great, but if you happen to have a copy of the Constitution, you might consider reading it.  It really is what makes America remarkable, and perhaps right now all of us need to be reminded of how that old Constitution has protected and how it has kept us strong for so many years, not by changing it so much as by respecting those who protected and defended it.  

Service to the Nation

 

When I saw a photograph of a returning WW II soldier, with a caption describing that the soldier had been gone for over 4 years, most of which time was as a Prisoner of War, with no news of his fate, I thought about the hardship for both him and his family.

I also thought about the courage of John McCain, imprisoned in Hanoi, who refused to be released so long as other soldiers remained in prison.

The courage and suffering withstood by soldiers continues even today, and they deserve enormous respect, regardless of how history and current events view the wars themselves.

 My blog of April 24, 2024, asked "Why Wars?" but it didn't really answer the question.  It was, however, encouraging to know that the training of West Point soldiers includes avoiding wars, as well as how to fight them.

I am sure that those students pitching tents on campuses and destroying property and blocking other students trying to get to classes believe they are doing the right thing, although I am not sure that they are doing much that is constructive. Have they studied history?  Have they been used by outsiders whose motives were not at all aligned with what the students intended.  Have they considered the expense their parents have suffered to send them to college, or strangers who contributed to scholarships, or taxpayers whose money assists colleges?

When they were not in class, did they study the history that led to war?  Before pitching their tents and   joining in the chants begun by others, what did they do to fully understand the history leading up to the present animosity?  In short, what efforts did they take to more fully understand the complex history of this dispute? Were they aware that Israelis were unhappy with Netanyahu's leadership and were exercising political ways to resolve problems?  Did they research the history of Hamas and the mistreatment they imposed to retain power?  Did they consider the broader impact involving other countries in that region?

Do they realize that at least 1.3 million active-duty members of the military are stationed at home and abroad, not to fight but rather to keep the peace?  Have they spoken with any of the soldiers from diverse backgrounds about what they are actually doing to keep the peace, out of a sense of patriotism and civic duty.  Were they as disturbed by the slaughter of innocent people at a music festival, the use of rape as a weapon, the killing of babies, as they were by Israel's response?  In short, did they try to turn their energy to considering the full perspective of the situation and ways that might resolve a smoldering animosity that has simmered for generations without resolve? 

It is important that their generation should care about what is happening in the world, but what do they really know about Hamas and the history of that region?  Did they consider the pressure on Netanyahu by his own people to reduce hostilities with their neighbors prior to the war, or America's efforts to exert influence before this war began.  Do they know the history of the Holocaust that led to the decision to find a home for Jews?  Do they understand the influence of other countries in that region?  

Maybe they do know some of these things, but has what they are doing done much or anything to support America's efforts to find a peaceful solution or to suggest ways to resolve this simmering hatred and maze of conflicting claims to the disputed territory?  

I have done considerable reading, trying to understand and reflect on what might be done productively.  I do not know the answers.  However, I will continue reading history to learn the mistakes and successes of the past in order to better understand the present.  I believe time spent in the library to understand the complexity of this troubled land, reaching out to elected officials to share informed concerns, and voting for those who seem responsible representatives, makes more sense than pitching tents and disrupting classes.  I also see the role of professors to teach, not to advocate--to encourage students to become informed, not to inform them of their own particular opinions.  

As our world becomes more complicated and dangerous, we need great teachers, wise politicians, and responsible voters, and it seems we also need brave soldiers to help us keep the peace.  I know that on Memorial Day, if I see someone who has served this nation, I will thank them for their service.  

Remembering the Veterans

Civil War Veteran Aaron Beck 

    We entrust those we elect to bear the responsibility of careful consideration before sending men and women into war.  Before the decision was made to turn Memorial Day into a three day holiday, I remember how people dressed in their Sunday best and filled the cemetery to honor those who had served the nation and remember those we loved who were burried there.  The band marched, and flowers covered generations of graves.

    Local communities continue to honor those buried in our local cemeteries, but the crowds are smaller.  Many of the people buried in these local cemeteries no longer have family living near.  With the opportunity to have a 3-day weekend, many people travel.  School is out for the summer, and the band no longer marches.  I miss how special Memorial Day once was, but for many years I was among those who lived too far away to attend the services and decorate the graves.  I understand that times change.

    This year I want to honor my Great Grandfather, who served the nation as a Union Soldier, and the many other soldiers buried in the Farmington Macksville Cemetery.  He served during 4 years of that tragic war and kept a daily diary that he carried in his knapsack.  On September 19, 1863 during the battle of Lookout Mountain, he wrote:  "It was an awful slaughtering...Col. Balding commanding the brigade fell.  Col. Strong is feared wounded.  ,,,About sundown they attacked us all along the line.  We was holding our position finely but the enemy got in our rear and McCooks corps was cut off from the rest and entirely surrounded.  There was but one thing for us to do {and} that was to cut our way through, so we made a dash for the hills in our rear.  ,,,It was a sight I never want to see again.  We ran right over the dead and wounded in many places, the enemy and our men lay side by side."

    May those we elect have the wisdom to understand the responsibility they have been given to act with respect and consideration for our constitution and for all Americans, never again failing in their duty so tragically that our nation becomes divided and those we elect fail in their duty to all of us.

 

Monarch Butterflies & Marigolds

 

Photo credit:  Lyn Fenwick

Several days ago, I spotted Monarch butterflies feeding on the marigolds outside the library in Macksville, and although I feared it would be nearly impossible to slip up for a photograph before I startled the Monarchs away, I decided it was worth the try.  In fact, the Monarchs must have been a little drunk from sipping, for I managed to get several pictures

Every year as autumn arrives I watch for the migration of the Monarch butterflies heading south to their winter homes in Mexico.  Although I was working in the yard this year a few days during that time, I only saw 3 butterflies.  After growing concern about the rapidly reducing numbers of Monarchs, in 2020 the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service finally acknowledged the peril, but they only declared the Monarch "a candidate" for endangered status, acknowledging that the Monarch meets the listing criteria under the Endangered Species Act, but that they needed to "focus resources on our higher priority listing actions."

Like our honey bees, these essential insects pose a dilemma for farmers.  Pollinators account for billions of dollars in crop production values, but some of the plants necessary to the insects are weeds farmers want to get rid of.  Since the mid-1990s Eastern monarchs native to Kansas had declined in 25 years by about 80%.  For the Western Monarch it was worse, at 99% in 40 years.  No wonder I am not seeing the same numbers of Monarch butterflies I once saw.  My photograph of Monarchs on marigolds takes on a new meaning.  I associated it with Dia de Los Muertos--the Mexican celebration of the Day of the Dead.

Although the name might not seem appropriate for a day of celebration, it is in fact a happy celebration to honor loved ones who have died.  Rather than mourning their deaths, alters, called "ofrendas" are constructed and offerings are made to those loved ones.  Photographs, candles, food, and other objects with special meaning to the deceased are placed on the alters.  Family and friends may visit, and parades and parties may be part of the celebration.  The Ofrendas are decorated on October 31 and on November 2 public celebrations are held, which may include elaborate costumes.  The migration of the Monarchs that occurs at this time is often associated with the Dia de Los Muertos celebrations.

In addition, so are Marigolds!  The Aztec believed that flowers help guide lost souls, and the alters or ofrendas are often decorated with flowers to help guide the souls of their loved ones to see what they have done for them.  Marigolds, with their bright colors and pungent odor, as well as their continued abundance in early fall are often used.

The Day of the Dead for 2021 was celebrated this past weekend, and perhaps the Monarchs I photographed in Macksville several days ago made it to Mexico for the celebrations.  Our own Memorial Day remembrances in my community are different, but they are also alike in many ways.  That weekend we also decorate the graves of loved ones with flowers, and many families use the occasion to tell their children about their relatives.  In some towns, bands march and flags are flown.  Some families still gather for lunches, and conversations turn to updates of family weddings and births and memories of loved ones.  It is also a time for fun.  Swimming pools open and families go to the lake or the beach.  Our traditions may seem different in the details, but upon reflection they share many similarities--particularly in remembering those we have loved and lost.

Honoring Those Who Served

 

Cemetery in Macksville, Kansas
Photo Credit:  Larry Fenwick

Since we returned to the farm, my husband has marched with the VFW on Memorial Day.  Over the years the veterans marching have changed, with the W.W. II veterans gradually disappearing from the group.  This year the marchers were reduced in number by the death of a Viet Nam Veteran normally a part of their group, who passed away recently.  It was a challenge to assemble marchers, at a time when fewer local men and women choose to join the military, but as it turned out, the largest group in quite a while arrived on a damp morning, assembling in the mist and drizzle in hopes that by 10 o'clock the weather would clear.

In past years I had dropped my husband off and driven to the cemetery to visit the graves of my many ancestors buried there.  This year I waited to take him to the cemetery, and it gave me the opportunity to watch the men and one woman prepare for the ceremony.  I had not realized the effort taken to polish up a group of veterans who haven't drilled in decades, except for the occasional participation on Memorial Day.

To be honest, they looked a little ragged.  The variety in height ranged from short to tall, and the belts tightened around their waists would have been several inches shorter when they were on active duty, but as they stood there in the damp chill doing their best to drill as they had years before, I thought they looked like heroes.

Last year it poured rain on Memorial Day, and the ceremony was delayed until the following Saturday.  Despite the drizzle, this year they were determined to march, crossing their fingers that the weather would clear.  It didn't.  They drove to the cemetery and began to assemble, surprised by the crowd waiting in the rain to watch the ceremony.  Instead of clearing, the drizzle had increased.

Reluctantly, they decided to cancel the ceremony.  The sound system had been prepared, and there was worry about the danger of combining electricity with drizzle and electrical cords on wet grass.  The minister, under the tent where the electrical equipment was assembled out of the rain, delivered a prayer after the decision not to carry out the program was announced.  People began to head toward their cars.

The veterans were disappointed.  The honor guard had failed to march only twice before, and one of those times was the previous year when they did march on Saturday.  It is a duty taken seriously, a community tradition that is expected.  Two hours later, the weather had cleared enough that they could have marched.  However, the town had planned a nice lunch and interfering with that would have been a different disappointment. 

Those who had come to the cemetery expecting the traditional ceremony may have been disappointed, after waiting in the drizzle themselves.  It certainly seemed unfair to everyone that Mother Nature had spoiled the tradition two years in a row.

Memorial Day Tribute

Detail of a Painting Honoring W.W. I Soldiers

It has become a tradition with this blog to recognize Memorial Day with a specific post that week.  Many have included photographs taken at our local cemetery, showing the veterans carrying the flag to honor those buried there.  You can open the May blogs and scroll to past postings to read those older blogs from past years.

Memorial Day is a federal holiday in the United States, established to remember and honor those who died while serving in the military.  In most local communities, remembrances are not limited to soldiers buried there but rather, flowers are placed on the graves of family and friends as well.

Traditionally, Memorial Day was observed on May 30th during the years from 1868 to 1970.  Since 1970, the date has been the last Monday in May.  Many traditions have changed over the decades, but it seems that by changing Memorial to a holiday weekend, the recognition of fallen soldiers on the day set aside for that purpose has diminished, with people now using the weekend for pleasure trips.

Reminders of the service to the nation by our men and women in uniform deserve to be observed, and this years Memorial Day blog is going to reflect back half-a-century to another form of recognition.  A few months ago I was going through keepsakes and discovered a simple silver bracelet baring the name of Commander Raymond Vohden.  Beneath his name is the date 4-3-65.

Bracelet 'lest we forget' POW Raymond Vohden

Some of you may remember bracelets like the one I wore during the years of the Vietnam war, a symbol to remember American prisoners of war.  It had been a long time since I had worn the bracelet remembering Commander Vohden, and I decided to do some research.  Did he eventually return home?  How long was he imprisoned?  Is he still living?

This is what I found:  Raymond Arthur Vohden,  an Air Force Pilot, was one of those 'lucky' prisoners who survived to be released.  Upon his release, he is quoted as having said, "After the ordeal I've been through for the past seven and one-half years, I can handle any situation that comes up when I get back."  However, returning soldiers did not always find it easy to slip back into their old lives.  Vohden had written to his wife after six years as a prisoner of war, expressing his permission that she file for divorce and "make a new life."  She did file, but when the cease-fire was negotiated not long after, he asked her to dismiss the divorce proceedings.  She did.

He was not alone in finding it difficult to acclimate to the changes that had occurred.  In some cases wives had entered new relationships, lonely and uncertain whether their husbands would ever return.  In other cases, wives had changed, becoming more independent and less willing to hand back the responsibilities in the marriage that they had assumed, which these women now preferred to continue doing.  In still other cases, the 60s had brought social changes to those at home that were unacceptable to the returning POWs and caused friction in their marriages.  Not only their wives, but also the children they left behind had changed, adding to the difficulties of rejoining the family.

Arlington National Cemetery

A newspaper article shared the story of difficulties experienced by Vohden and his wife when he returned.  She described the initial exhilaration of his return, but said he became depressed by how things had changed during the almost eight years of his absence.  He acknowledged that he struggled with cultural changes, particularly the 'sexual revolution.'  The newspaper article ended with his decision to get away by himself for a while and "just to kind of enjoy life."  His wife agreed that he needed to be alone to work out some of the issues he was facing.

I did not find a follow-up to their story.  I do know that Raymond Vohden died November 21, 2016, leaving behind a wife, four children, eleven grandchildren, and one great-grandchild.  Interment was to be in Arlington National Cemetery.  Because the given name of his wife was not included in the 1973 New York Times article, I do not know whether they resolved the issues caused by their long separation during the war or if the wife mentioned in his obituary was a second marriage.  I am certain, however, that he paid a high price not only during his imprisonment but also in re-entering a changed society following his release.  I hope he found the happiness he longed for, and I am glad that the POW whose bracelet I wore was able to return.

On Memorial Day, not only the men and women who died in service to their country, but also those whose lives were inevitably changed by their service, deserve the nation's recognition and thanks.

Hometown Memorial Day

I have written about the traditions of our community on Memorial Day in other blogs posted in late May or early June, and I am writing this blog in the evening after attending the 2017 Memorial Ceremony in our hometown.

My husband marches in the honor guard, so we arrive early so he can assemble with the other marchers, and I use the time to make a complete circuit of the graves of all of our ancestors and many of our friends.  It is a route learned when I was very young and the original part of the cemetery had many flowers decorating the graves.  Today, only a few in that section had flowers, their descendants having joined them in their final rest, or members of their families no longer living in the area.

Most people now decorate graves of parents and friends in the newer sections of the cemetery.  Even the open lawn purchased for expansion has gradually acquired gravestones.  For people like me, with ancestors that came to Kansas as homesteaders in the late 1870s and 1880s, several generations are buried in Farmington Cemetery.  Among those in the community who have carried on  family farms, more generations are likely to follow.

The Memorial Day Services are conducted at the 'new' monument near the west gates, but it is the second Memorial Monument in the cemetery.  The original  monument honored soldiers, sailors, and marines of the "Civil, Spanish-American, and World War.'  Remember, W.W. I was believed to be 'the war to end all wars,' and it was not called W.W. I until there was a W.W. II.

When my husband began marching in the honor guard, there were several W.W. II veterans among the marchers, and the Vietnam veterans were the 'young guys.'  Gradually the W.W. II veterans became the ones being honored in the memorial ceremony, and the Vietnam veterans became the marchers with gray in their hair.  With our current all volunteer military, there are fewer young veterans in our community to carry on the tradition.

As I walked the cemetery I thought about all of the people I had known who are now buried there, and since I have spent so much time with Isaac's neighbors as I researched the late 1800s described in his journal, I have come to feel as if I know many of that generation who are buried in Farmington, their stones in the section of the cemetery where three sets of my great grandparents are buried.

However, perhaps what I recall most from the 2017 Memorial Ceremony was the participation of the two remaining W.W. II soldiers that once marched with other veterans their age. Although they no longer march, they still participate.  One delivers the familiar lines promising that although the flowers placed on their graves will fade, the veterans being honored will not be forgotten.

The other W.W. II veteran marched last year, although for the first time he did not carry a rifle.  This year he was not able to march, but he waited at the Memorial and joined the other marchers to stand between the flag bearers, supported by a helpful arm.  As determined as he was to stand, the ceremony was long, and he needed his wheel chair.  Yet, he remained with the other veterans, doing his part as best he could.  That is what moved me.  Every one of those men, (and this year, a female service member) was there because he or she saw it as their duty to serve.  They had served their country when the call came, and today they came when they were called to march in honor of those with whom they had served and generations of veterans before them.  It made me proud.  

(Remember, you can click on the images to enlarge.)

Not Everyone Goes to the Lake

VFW Honor Guard enters Macksville Cemetery

Many Americans look forward to the 3-day weekend at the end of May as a time to celebrate the beginning of summer, but the historic roots of the holiday are quite different.  Ancient customs of honoring soldiers and decorating their graves exist in many cultures.  "Jubilee Day" was held on Monday, May 16, 1783, in Connecticut to commerate the end of fighting in the American Revolution.  After the Civil War, the federal government began creating national military cemeteries in 1865 for the War dead, and specific observations in both the South and the North occurred during the years after the Civil War, observing the custom of cleaning and decorating cemeteries.  This custom became known as "Decoration Day," but by the 1880s the name had gradually begun to change to "Memorial Day."  Many communities, like my own childhood hometown, continued the use of the original term.  (See Memorial Day at Farmington Cemetery, 5-10-2012 and Guest Post by Misty Beck, 5/24/2012 in blog archives.)

Jubilee Celebration in St. John, KS Park

Because many communities observed some sort of ceremony or tradition, the origin of the first Decoration Day is uncertain.  However, a ceremony organized by teachers, missionaries, and Black residents of Charleston, SC, for the purpose of cleaning up and landscaping the burial field there in 1865 is often identified as the 1st Decoration Day.

Food is an important part of the Jubilee Celebration.

It was not until after W.W. II in 1967 that the name was official changed to "Memorial Day."  Ironically, it was one year later, on June 28, 1968, that Congress moved Memorial Day from the traditional May 30th to the last Monday in May, creating a 3-day weekend, a change that many see as diminishing the observance of the original purpose for the day.  Many Americans now take advantage of the 3-day weekend as an opportunity to travel to a holiday destination like the beach, a lake, or a mountain cabin, overlooking the significance of observing Memorial Day.

The  dusty/muddy town square of Isaac's time is now a park.

At the time Congress created the 3-day weekend, several states declined to adopt the changed date for Memorial Day, continuing to observe it on May 30th, but gradually all fifty states complied.  Seeing the shift away from Memorial Day observances, Senator Daniel Inouye, a W. W. II veteran, initiated an effort to return to the traditional observance, an effort he continued until his death in 2012, but the recreational holiday seems firmly established for too many people for the return to a day of remembrance and honoring those who gave their lives for their country to return as the universal practice.

Jubilee Celebration 2014

The traditional observations are not entirely forgotten, however.  Many cemeteries in the region where Isaac Werner claimed his homestead continue to conduct Memorial ceremonies, such as the ceremony performed by the local VFW in Macksville pictured in this blog illustrates.  One member of the honor guard is a 90-year-old W.W. II veteran, and the veteran who recites the traditional memorial pledge is 93.  The trumpeter who plays "taps" for the ceremony is a 2014 high school graduate and young children continue to offer poppies to those who enter the cemetery gates.

The fountain is popular with young & old.

Several communities continue patriotic parades and celebrations in the city parks, including the Jubilee Celebration in the St. John Park near the Stafford County Courthouse, the same county seat that Isaac Werner visited more than a century ago.

Many parade participants displayed flags.

Isaac's regard for Union veterans was complicated.  His hometown in Pennsylvania provided soldiers for the Union Army during the Civil War, but there was also a strong contingency of Southern sympathizers and draft dodgers in his community.  (See How Far is Gettysburg, 5/24/2012 in the blog archives.)  Because Union veterans tended to remain loyal to Lincoln's Republican Party, in opposition to the People's Party that Isaac supported, he resented their political alliance and called them "moss-back Republicans."  However, Union veterans were also among his best friends, whom he respected.  Isaac never mentioned the observance of Memorial Day in his journal, but the old traditions continue to be observed in his community to this day.  (See  St. John Park, 6/20/2013, in the blog archives for the story and images of the old St. John town square and the creation of the park.)

Memorial Day at Farmington Cemetery

When I was a child, Memorial Day was an occasion for honoring America's fallen soldiers and visiting graves of ancestors.  Tin cans and canning jars were covered with tin foil, around which a bow was tied to create a vase to hold spring flowers from the garden or peonies ordered from the grocery store and kept in the bottom of the refrigerator to keep the buds from opening too early.  Memorial morning men dressed in suits and ties, and women wore their Sunday dresses with hats and gloves to go to the cemetery to put flowers on the graves.  It was important to arrive early enough to get the graves decorated with time to stroll through the cemetery admiring the decorations and visiting with friends and neighbors, especially those who now lived out of town and returned for the annual pilgrimage to decorate the graves.  The picture is of my parents, aunts, and uncles in about 1949.

About 10 o'clock the high school band, playing patriotic songs, would march from the school to the cemetery, and a ceremony would be held at the Memorial for veterans, with two of the best young trumpeters slipping away to hide behind large gravestones or trees to echo the playing of Taps.  Memorial Day was always May 30th, and no one considered going to the lake or the beach.  It was a day to remember the dead, not a day for recreation.  When the memorial service ended, the band marched away, only going as far as the end of the cemetery before students raced to their parents' cars to shed the hot, wool band uniforms.  The crowd gradually disbursed, many gathering for large family dinners.  Afterward, when the women retired to the kitchen to wash dishes and gossip and the men found comfortable chairs in the living room where they could intermittently visit and nap, the kids would slip away to meet their friends at the swimming pool, which opened for the summer season that afternoon.  I am the girl with the tenor saxophone, marching in one of those hot wool band uniforms.

Those days have disappeared.  With Memorial Day turned into a holiday weekend, graves are still decorated at the Farmington Cemetery, but the flowers are primarily silk and the decorating is often done early so people can travel somewhere for the long weekend.  Jeans are typically worn for the practical business of anchoring the silk flower arrangements in the soil to stay in place through the weekend in the likely chance of strong spring winds.  There is still a VFW honor guard that marches on Memorial Day, but the music is provided by a CD player rather than the high school band.  People do linger for a while to visit after the memorial services, but the crowd dwindles each year, it seems.  There are still some families that have traditional dinners, and kids whose parents have not taken them to the lake still gather at the swimming pool, if it is the opening day of the summer.  My husband is one of the men in the VFW honor guard at the "new" Veterans' Memorial.

I used to tease my mother-in-law not so many years ago when she would ask us to drive her through the cemetery, where she would comment as we passed by the graves, speaking of those buried there as if she were pointing out residences along the streets of the town.  Now she occupies one of those cemetery lots we once drove past, and my husband and I find ourselves driving through the cemetery, speaking of friends and parents of friends buried there, just as she once did.  Since doing the research about Isaac's neighbors from the late 1800s, I now have several more graves whose occupants I almost feel that I know, and I give Isaac's old neighbors a nod as we drive by.  This is the "old" Veterans' Memorial to which our high school band once led the honor guard.