Romance or Love

Royal & Lillian's Wedding Picture

 It has been my practice to share a Valentine blog post, and this year is no exception.  In fact, I thought some of you might be in the mood for a romantic book to read. There are countless books with romance as their subject, and this blog will share some examples, starting with Romantic stories from history.  It seems that historic romances often ended tragically! 

For example, the Greek story of Paris and Helen is said to have provoked the downfall of Troy, and when the Greek lover Orpheus rescues Eurydice from Hades he ignored the instruction not to look back and failed.  Bank robbers Bonnie and Clyde didn't turn out so well either, not did King Arthur when Lancelot and Guinevere split the Round Table.  The romance of Cleopatra and Mark Anthony ended tragically with his suicide caused by false information, and her own unwillingness to live without him, and what about Romeo and Juliet?!  Since these historical love stories did not end happily ever after, perhaps we should shift to literature.

I consulted several websites online, including "The greatest love stories, Romance Novels, Good Reads" and "Oprah Daily." All 4 websites recommended Pride and Prejudice and, Jane Eyre.  Romance Novels and Good Reads both recommended The Notebook, Outlander, and Persuasion, which was also recommended by Reddit.  

Among some of the other books recommended were Doctor Zhivago, The Princess Bride, Gone with the Wind, Wuthering Heights, West Side Story and Anna Karenina.  Over the years, I have read all of the books just mentioned and enjoyed them; however, my recollection is that heartbreak, deception, and betrayal often appear in romance novels, and you may want to keep a handkerchief nearby to dry your tears.

You may have noticed that many of the recommended romance novels were written decades ago, some even centuries ago.  Has the meaning of romance changed over the centuries?  When we speak of Love, what exactly do we mean?  

 Thanks to Yessmagazine.com I can share with you some wisdom from the ancient Greeks, who had six levels of words to describe love.  First there was Eros, which we would call sexual passion.  Next there was Philia, or deep friendship, then, Ludus, or playful love, such as flirting and teasing.  The 4th word in the Greek's description of love was Agape, or love for everyone, meaning universal loving kindness, or we might say empathy, which I have written about in other blogs in reference to how reading improves empathy.  

The 5th level was Pragma, which meant longstanding love.  We don't have a word for that, but we do celebrate Marriage milestones.  The traditional anniversary gift for the first year of marriage was Paper, advancing to Cotton the second year, and reaching Tin or Aluminum by the 10th year.  I'm not sure how those traditional gifts were chosen, but times must have been rough for newlyweds back then!  There are revised modern gifts today, mostly advertised by jewelry stores!  I'm not sure many brides today would be impressed with most of the humble traditional choices.  However, the exchange of a lovely note on beautiful paper or a pretty card on their 1st Anniversary has continued to be a romantic tradition, with the annual exchange of Valentine cards, as well as flowers and chocolate. 

Finally, the 6th level of Ancient Greek words for love is Philautic, or love of self.  I had to do a bit more research to determine whether the word's meaning was Narcissism vs. a healthy respect for one's self, and fortunately, it is generally regarded to mean self-understanding, and is considered desirable rather than narcissistic or excessively vain.     

While we may not have 6 words for love, may Valentine's Day bring you the level of Ancient Greek love you are hoping for.  And if you choose to settle down with a good book, maybe one of those I recommended will be just the one you want!   

Valentine's Day Joke

Not your typical "love birds" you say?  Why not?  The bride is dressed in white, and the groom is wearing tails--well, tail feathers--in the ever popular gray.

Once again Valentine's Day has arrived, and for those of you who follow this blog regularly, you know that I write a blog yearly to recognize this special day for lovers.  If you have missed reading them, you can go to the inventory at right,  click on the year, and then scroll down to February to read those past blogs.

In doing my research for the manuscript, I found an article in the local populist newspaper of Isaac's time, the County Capital, in which the local reporter in his community praised Isaac's farm for its neat, prosperous appearance.  The reporter could not resist teasing Isaac a bit by concluding the article with this comment:  With such a nice farm, "we think the rooster of the prairie should take a young lady under his wing."

Isaac Werner's journal mentions his admiration for several young ladies, and a cryptic note refers to "a second refusal," which I assume was an unsuccessful marriage proposal to a lady with whom he was corresponding back in Illinois, after he had lived in Kansas for several years.  His journal also mentions a young lady who came to St. John as a Prohibition lecturer, on whom he made a social call one afternoon, but soon after, she left St. John and the romance never had the chance to begin.  Although I believe Isaac would have enjoyed a wife by his side during his years on the Kansas prairie, being a farmer's wife was a hard life in the late 1800s, and the well-educated city women he admired may not have been willing to assume the responsibilities expected of a farmer's wife.

So, on this Valentine's Day I have chosen the handsome couple pictured above to remember Isaac Beckley Werner, the Rooster of the Prairie, whose journal inspired my efforts to tell the story of those early settlers who came to Kansas in the late 1800s.

Romance on the Prairie

From the County Capital

Touring a personal library is a lot like going through someone's family photo album.  Quote from "The Man Who Loved Books Too Much" by Allison Hoover Bartlett

 

Isaac B. Werner captured my heart when I discovered his passion for books.  Having spent nearly three years studying the lists of books in his journal and in the inventory from his probate records, and having acquired many of those books to read, I feel that I have toured Isaac's personal library and know a great deal about him. 

 

At Isaac's estate sale there were so many books to sell that not all of them could be auctioned individually, and some were boxed to be sold together.  Among the books sold was one titled "Marriage & Family," and knowing that, I am sure that Isaac never intended to spend his entire life as a bachelor.  Why else, when money was dear and he took such pains to select the books he could afford to buy, would his library have included a book about marriage?! 

 

With Valentine's Day at hand, I find myself thinking of the ladies in Isaac's life after he came to Kansas, trying to imagine someone to whom he might have wished to send a Valentine.  He did leave some clues, and one of the most intriguing involves a lady named Ellen.  His journal mentions receiving letters from Ellen or Elle Green, and he was obviously pleased to receive them and prompt to reply.  One day, however, there was a cryptic entry in his journal, "second refusal," and after that day there were no more mentions of Ellen.

 

Another possible candidate was neighbor Isabel Ross, to whom he referred in his journal as Mrs. Ross, using her given name only once.  Mrs. Ross had divorced her husband on the grounds that he was abusive to her and their four children, and following the divorce, she staked a homestead claim as a single woman on land adjacent to Isaac's timber claim.  Gradually, a friendship developed between them, and Isaac was especially kind to share corn husks for fuel and make sure her soddy was readied for cold weather.  If they came to care for each other romantically, Isaac never mentioned such feelings in his journal.

 

The most obvious infatuation he revealed was toward a young woman who came to St. John to deliver temperance lectures.  The first evening he heard her speak, he wrote in his journal:  "...heard Miss Hazelett deliver a first class prohibition speech with magic lantern views, a splendid political speech from a quite young lady probably 23 years of age a nice & good sensible talker."  A few days later he heard her speak again, this time a political speech when she ran as the Republican candidate for County Superintendent of Schools.  It may have been the only time he had something positive to say in his journal about a Republican candidate!  The following month he visited Dr. & Mrs. McCann, the couple with whom Miss Hazelett resided.  Isaac wrote:  "...paid a visit or made a call on Miss Blanche B. Hazelett at Dr. McCann's residence.  Some pleasant surroundings and agreeable company to talk to."  Unfortunately, Miss Hazelett lost the election and resumed traveling on the temperance lecture circuit, and a few weeks later the McCanns left St. John for a different city.

 

From the County Capital

Isaac was regarded as a "good catch" for the ladies.  After a visit to Isaac's farm, newspaper editor John Hilmes praised Isaac's farm as one of the finest in the area.  In that same issue of the paper, the local reporter described the abundant trees Isaac had cultivated and added:  "We think the rooster of the sand hills ought to take some fair damsel under his wings." 

 

The most outright teasing Isaac received followed his lecture at a Farmers' Alliance meeting about ideas from Edward Bellamy's book, "Looking Backward."  That book, still read today, was very popular with Populists who admired some of the social changes Bellamy described in his future world.  Perhaps Isaac mentioned one change--that it was socially proper in that future time for a woman to propose marriage to a man.  In the County Capital newspaper the week after Isaac's lecture, the local reporter teased that the eligible women of Isaac's community had discussed taking him up on that idea, and if he wasn't willing to agree to the propriety of a woman extending the marriage proposal to a man, they didn't want to hear any more talk from Isaac about Edward Bellamy and his future society!

 

Isaac lived and died a bachelor, never having need to use the information contained in his own copy of "Marriage & Family."  Yet, I believe he had not meant to live his life alone.  To read about Isaac's flirtations and marriage plans as a younger man, visit my Feb. 9, 2012 blog, "A Young Man's Fancy."